Some people think that because I'm into health and fitness, I must have it all worked out.
I must be confident and 100% happy with how I look, and never get hung up with my insecurities.
But this actually couldn't be further from the truth!
Like anyone, I have areas I desperately want to change (hello hips and thighs!) and I'm definitely no fitness model.
In fact, I have a little confession to make....
It was only at Christmas time that I felt game enough to wear some togs on a beach for the first time in years!
I'm talking pre-Bella days... And she is 4 in April!
I would avoid going to the beach with girlfriends, I would keep covered up when I was there with my hubby and kids, and I was so self-conscious about showing my body.
So, what changed?
Why did I overcome my insecurities this festive season?
1. I was tired.
I was tired of missing out.
I was tired of giving my body a hard time.
I was tired of sitting on the sidelines, watching my family have a great time!
I was tired of yearning to get in the ocean, but feeling too embarrassed to do so.
I'd reached my "snap point" and I'd had enough.
2. I felt ready.
Since having Noah, I've worked hard at my training and nutrition and last year, I saw some exciting changes in my body shape. I'm actually leaner now than I was before having him.
When you're looking after yourself and following through on the promises you make, it feeds your self-esteem and your confidence.
For too many years, I knew what I needed to do to change my body shape, but I would short-circuit any progress by emotional eating, indulging in treats too often, and not being focused enough.
By deliberately ignoring the facts about what I had to do, I was eroding any shred of respect and confidence I had for myself in that area. So the cycle would continue, because you don't make good choices when you don't like yourself!
3. Some fake tan definitely helps ;)
I can't tell you how free I felt to finally get in that water on Christmas Day and not overthink it!
I still have a way to go on my weight loss journey, but I know that I'm doing the best I can with what I have.
And that's a great feeling, one that can overcome silly insecurities that hold you back from living the life you really want.
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